Monday, December 30, 2013

Some Science Jokes for the New Year

Always game for a lame one or two, am I, so here are some science  jokes for the New Year:

Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are." 
"Where are we then?" "Do you see that mountain over there?" "Yes." "Well… THAT'S where we are."

A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: "Is that stool taken?"

A statistician is someone who tells you, when you've got your head in the fridge and your feet in the oven, that you're – on average - very comfortable.

And a couple of limericks to finish with:

A friend who's in liquor production,
Has a still of astounding construction,
The alcohol boils,
Through old magnet coils,
He says that it's proof by induction.

A mosquito was heard to complain
That chemists had poisoned her brain.
The cause of her sorrow
Was para-dichloro-

*p.s. That's DDT.


  1. A neutron walks into a bar.

    "How much for a beer?" he asks the bartender.

    For you, no charge.

    Ba dum bum!

  2. Clearly, Howard, we Governor's Chairs are a source of mirth at UT.

  3. A Higgs Boson goes into a Catholic Church.

    "Sorry, we don't minister to subatomic particles," the priest says.

    The boson replies, "But without me, you can't have Mass."

    1. Ah! All these physics jokes.
      My favourite is this one:

      OK, now here's how you see the Doppler effect. Go out at night and look at cars. The lights of those approaching you will be white, but those going away from you will be red.

  4. Shouldn't you at least acknowledge the Guardian? Your jokes appear to have come from their recent item about this.

    1. Indeed - via a friend. The cartoon was from but has also been widely circulated.